Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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