census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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