Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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