my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
