South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she smelled like a LAN party
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
