My friends, they love my intelligence
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
