His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
