I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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