I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
