just come out here and I will go home with you...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
