Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
