The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
