So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
