Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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