Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
