I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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