Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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