I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
