I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
