I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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