Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
