I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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