There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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