If i come over, it means nothing
did you get engaged???
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
