I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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