my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
