You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
