apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
