ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
