So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
