he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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