He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
