Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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