woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
