im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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