im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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