just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
