also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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