Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
