I think i peed on brittanys purse
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
