she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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