Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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