Pappa wants mamma naked
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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