They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
