FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
