im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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