i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
