theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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