hotel room ftw
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
