My friends, they love my intelligence
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
