I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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