Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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