watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
