Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
