You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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