This is not my ceiling
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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