My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
