I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
