I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
