put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
