Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
