Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
