he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
PANTIES FOUND
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
