sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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