I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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