made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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