Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The air was thick with penises
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
