The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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