honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
